Behind Glass Eyes

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I stand over the edge, gazing at the sea.
The Son that brightens all also warms me.
This castle is a place I thought I’d never call home.
A place where I can find my own sweet shalom.

The grass in the hills stroked by the breeze
As they echo the songs sung by the trees
Birds in air, beasts in field, fish in ocean
Join with creation, singing songs in slow motion

This is my Father’s world
And I am a princess, a pearl
In a kingdom with no walls
Even through it all

Yet my heart is sad
For it cannot understand
How all this is so
And why I never let anyone know

All my life, a ghost
A mist that wanted most
Simply to be noticed and loved
That would have been enough

But there was this day
Where I thought everything would be okay
When I met this boy from school
Melting my hot heart to cool

He listened to me laugh, he listened to me cry
He listened to my subtle hints at “goodbye”
But was a troll like all the rest
When he decided to kiss me, hoping for the best

Perhaps he was trying to do what was right
But in my eyes it just seemed trite
I got plenty of love from affection and kiss
Yet all those “suitors” didn’t know what I missed

Though I hinted I wouldn’t be there tomorrow
That I’d be drowning in a pool of sorrow
Parting with treasures to whoever was near by
None of them stopped me or thought to ask why

I thought the scars would always be
Never thought they would ever leave me
From my back, to my wrists, to the hole in my heart
To the knowledge of how all these things fell apart

My father once loved me for me
But then as I got older, I tried to flee
Every time I’d hear him call for me to come
I’d shudder and scream inside with nowhere to run

How I longed for that first love again
Before I was at the mercy of men
When daddy’s touch was a simple embrace
Of true love found in infinite grace

Yet now I am alive
In light of the divine
Though I chose to make life and death my own
How can this be so?

Is it because You heard me cry out
When I needed You around
To take me away from reality
My King, you heard my plea!

And now I feel so real inside
A ghost who has truly come alive
I am unworthy of the wonders shown to me
I am here in Your presence, in love finally

But I can’t help but look back and wonder why
No one ever cared if I lived or died
My cries for help all went unheard
To keep me alive, I just needed a word

There was something deep inside
Hidden behind my glass eyes
Everyone I knew missed it
But I wish that they didn’t
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